Placing Situations In God's Care

I haven't been sleeping well these few nites. And i know that's because i have been couped with fear, anxieties, stress, pressures and worries within.

Prior to my UK & Europe trip, mom told me that Auntie Violet, mom's eldest sister and someone whom all in the family look up to is not too good with her health. She received a call from SGH just one day before her holiday to Shanghai that her health check-up show that it's not too good.

After she return from her trip, she went for more checks, blood-test and x-tray. The results shows that it's negative. While she goes for test after test and doctor was still finding the exact cause or problem at that time, at the advice of some friends and family members, she also turned to eastern medication to supplement or a least help improve the condition.

Just four weeks ago, mom told me that Auntie Janet, Auntie Violet's good friend, with good intention brought her to the medium to ask about her health. However, comments were really bad. It was said that her health is deterriorating fast and she would passed on within these 4 years. In a way, that affected my auntie and family within.

I am so mad and upset when i heard it. What ... medium? What kind of friend in a right mind would bring a good friend to visit a medium. Many questions went through my mind.I wish so much that Auntie Violet is a christian at that point. She would have placed her trust in God instead.

But well, i think Auntie Janet didn't expect that the results and comments would be that bad. I told myself that she probably did it out of good intentions but somehow backfired in a real big way. I understand that there were detailed descriptions as well and this caused all in the family and herself to be really sad. I bet my mom cried till her eyes were swollen. And i know even right now, mom is feeling very upset. Over my auntie, over herself, over the family,on how she could help, fear of loosing her sister, that her sister is unwell now and she would be next in line and endless things.

I didn't have the time to think much about this as i was on holiday and work and every day was packed. But deep within, i know what my deepest thoughts were and it were all reflected well in my dreams.

I don't meet my auntie as often as all my other cousins as most of them stay near to eachother. But nontheless, my love and respect for her is never lesser than the rest. I guess i was feeling all the struggles and challenges in my life. I wish so much that i could help but don't know what to help. I guess there were a sense of helplessness. I can only pray and intercede for her right now, for good health, recovery and God's healing. And most importantly, to know Christ as well.

Life and Death. Sickness and Good Health. All these are part and parcle of life. I use to think that these are far fetched. But now, it seems that i am in the situation now with family members unwell. She is my beloved auntie, my cousin Joyce and Dawn's mother. I hate to say this but what if reality strucks and mom is next. I would be devastated. Yeah ... better not think about it too much.

I guess i have been feeling life's struggles and challenges. I do feel upset and it's been reflected well in my dreams. One vivid one which i had during my trip was that my right arm was about to be amputated. I know this sounds gross but i didn't feel scared in the dream because it doesn''t mean that it will come to pass in real life. But rather, i'm extremly upset and is afraid of having my loved ones, things or people whom i treasure and means alot to me being taken away. And i have not bee able to fully express my frustration or anger in real life. Well, i guess it's pretty true to a certain extend because i tend to keep my emotions inside. Thus, i am expressing it in my dreams.

In another dream that i had, i was carrying a very big and heavy bag along the street when it was suddenly being snatched away from me across the busy road. I was very stunned but completly cool about it and did not panic(which is just so me). All the vehicles on the busy road started horning. And i know this represents my way of coping with fears, stress and various situations in my life. Yes, i may be stunned that it is happening now and fear overwhelms. But in handling situations, it's just my character that i don't panic and take things one thing at a time.

I was really feeling very tired just now. Lights were off and i was already dozing off when something told me to listen to the song, STILL. It is one of Nic & Jeff's favourite christian song too. After listening to it, it really encouraged me and lifted my spirt up. My heart is also once again filled with his presence and spirit. Knowing that God is always there and he will carry me through problems and situations in life. My trust, faith and belief in him never fails because time after time, he has helped me pull through many things in life. Times when all things seems impossible, when i'm pushed to the limits or at wits end. He is always there to help me pull through. Yes, he will never place me in situations beyond what i can bear.

STILL

Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
Within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are god

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust