Feelings

It has been a very frustrating time for me last month and i knew i was in 'trouble' deep down when i felt that i was 'running away from certain things'. Life was like a complete stand-still and there were things which i was angry and upset about. I guess i was angry and upset abt myself too. It also felt as if the evil spirit was trying all ways to put me down. But i am glad that i perceived and my faith in God has sustained and pulled me through. God never fails!

I was over ambitious with certain things. I had tried to pile myself with the load thinking that i could cope, telling myself that it was possible. But i couldn't. When i finally had to let go, it was tough because i was really disappointed with myself. Just afew days back, i had lunch with a friend and she asked me this: "What are u trying to prove to yourself?" I wonder too. I should have known better in the first place.

There were also things which up to now, i wonder if i should give up. But i am also quite unwilling to because i feel the heart-ache and pain. It's as if by giving up, i should have never started in the first place. And i've asked myself several times ... that perhaps if i've made more effort in the area intially, i could have
possibly see the results now. Another dillemma ... another disappointment. Haven't i heard .... if it's not God's will, than it's not. Sigh!

Time flies .. and there were certain things which i should action upon but somehow, nothing was done. I guess i was tired and caught up with the daily routines. So, now is the time and i am glad God has send various 'reminders' to me in his own ways. And yeap, I think i am ready now.

So, i guess this week will be a good week for me as i head to Malacca for the annual church camp. A time to seek God, a time to refresh my heart and a good start for the next 6 months. It's gonna be exciting and it'll be a good time to catch up with some friends as well.