There is good news & bad news today. Well ... what should i talk about first?
Received an sms from Tricia that Gelene's mom just passed away in the afternoon. Oh No! It's a reminder of the 'dark hours' which i just went through when granduncle/Ah Dae passed away last month. The grief, the reflection, the fears, the tears, the many sleepless nights which i had. One question which i had at that that time ... Lord, he is a non-Christian but i am not sure if anyone has evangelised to him before. I wonder if he believe that u are real and have accepted u as his Lord & Saviour. On my part, i've been praying for him esp. when he was in the hospital for the past 6 months. Will he go to heaven? Will he meet u? Questions questions!
When Ah Dae passed away, i rushed down to Ren Ci Hospital and the caretakers asked my family to take a look at him before they take him to the care-takers place to be embalmed. That's the first time i saw how a person who just passed away in bed looks like. The look, is something which i will never forget. That very nite and subsequent nights, each time i tried to close my eyes to sleep or rest, the image is just soo vivid. Especially the image of the coffin being 'pushed' to the furnace. I didn't dare to sleep that few nights because i was afraid that i would even dream abt it when i fall asleep. Thus, i forced myself to stay awake till 7am in the morning that few nites. At least, i wouldn't be so scared when the day is bright.
During this period of time, what i faced was spiritual challenges. In the end, my conclusion is that many a-times, u may think that you are strong spiritually but reality is that u may not be that strong after all. Especially so when u are alone and all your christian friends are not around. This is one funeral which i felt really upset ... bec. it was the most pathetic. Granduncle was just put overnight at the caretakers place @ Kallang Bahru. No one was required to attend the wake at night. We will just round up some relatives (abt 20 of them) and turn up the next morning to pay our last respect before sending him off to Mandai to be cremated. I guess that's when i started to get abit upset ... in my heart, i was thinking ... why the hush hush kind of thing? What to do? His son is in china and he is alone here. We are not his immediate family but is his next-of-kin. He has some friends but none will turn up coz. they are old and supertituitios towards such matters. And of course, it was the money issue too.
Anyway, the care-takers place was dark, smoky & erie (even during they day) which was why i hated the place. It didn't give me a comfortable feeling at all. I hated the way i felt. What i understood is that those who have died and doesn't hve any family/friends will be send here.
That was the case for my granduncle. My father later told us that the caretaker told him that in some cases, the dead (esp. the elderly) will be send here from the hospital and off for cremation that very afternoon. Wow ... i never knew that. It sure saddens me because really, that is the reality of life for the old and lonely.
When we arrived @ the care-takers place the next morning, i felt really upset by what i saw. The room was really dark and for once, i couldn't believe that this was in Singpore. It reminded me of some old movie scene. There was nothing for my granduncle except for 2 candles, afew fruits and just a little bit of food (tofu & vege) plus a bowl of rice on the old wooden table. Hang on ... where's the flowers? Not even a stalk was in sight? Where's his photo? His name wasn't even written anywhere. The food was really pathetic ... maybe we should quickly go out and buy his favourite food. His fav drink, his fav brand of cigarette. (i remember telling my brother abt it and he agreed). Are they bringing more things out? Nope!! I never exepected it to be this way. He doesn't deserve to have what i call a pathetic (far too simple) funeral.
Hang on .... deep in my heart, i knew i was already confusing myself. On one hand, i know that my Christian belief is that we will be with our heavenly father after we passed on. So what food are we talking abt here? I guess i was just so overwhelmed with what i saw visually. Next, was the photo-taking. My cousin & me were kind of photographers. Our job - to take some pictures so that we can show it to his family in China. Mistake for me .. BIG mistake. I took 2-3 video clips on my digital camera while the priests was performing some rituals. While at Mandai, i took 1 or 2 pictures too. It was the most HORRID mistake because i didn't feel peace in my heart at all. In fact, it was like a spiritual attack. I took the clip & picture bec. i wanted to show his son. But i think it was done in a spirit of adventure too. I felt sooo uncomfortable. Something was really wrong. I prayed abt it and something told me ... delete those pictues. Which was what i did ... but only after i waited and stayed up till 7am in the morning. Once i deleted the pictures & video clips, i felt total peace and comfort. All fears & negative feelings left too. Right after deleting, i prayed and denounced all evil spiritual influences and attacks in Jesus Name and to my amazement, i was perfectly fine after it. A lesson learned! But i was glad that God showered me with his protection by the blood of God through this.
Oh the good news. Just heard from Auntie Gay @ family gathering in the evening that my relative (grandma's sister & brother-in-law), Mr & Mrs Henry Wah would be getting baptised on 9 July @ St. Paul's church. Praise The Lord!
Uncle Henry use to be very much against Christianity and i am really glad that they both decided to make the right decision. I've prayed many years for my family & relatives to accept the Lord Jesus Christ in their lives. I remember praying & telling God .. Lord, if it is difficicult with my parents' generation, maybe u can start from my generation. Which he did.
Right now, the seed has been planted in most of my relative/cousin's family. The Wah's, The Phoon's, The Tan's, The Loo's ... so many. The impossible has been made possible. I firmly believe that through Uncle Henry, he will be able to share with my dad & uncle phoon somehow, someday (coz. Uncle Henry was actually one of the toughest one). And through Auntie Wah, my grandma, mom & aunties are one step closer too. God .... i am really really thankful. And of course, i am just reminded to fast & pray abt it.
Will be praying for Gelene & her family as they grief for the lost of her mommy dearest. And to also pray for Adelind's parents who are going for their leg operation.
Birthday Speech
