Unpleasant Memories

How am i feeling now? Not so good. Tonight's conversation with a friend whom i last met in April brought back some unpleasant memories that up to today, somehow i still don't know the real reason why that particular incident happened. But i do trust God that he has a reason for all that happens.

I don't know about other people but for me, sometimes i do really enjoy sitting alone at the bus-stop at nite waiting for the bus to arrive. And also, taking long drives especially at the expressways alone at nite. Works really well for me especially at occassions when i feel down, stressed, upset, angry or just simply need that personal time to think about things. And of course, it's also a time when i could really pray & ask God for his guidance. Perfect with nice background music and cool aircon. I usually feel better after it.

Anyway, am looking forward to FIRE Conference tomm. It's going to be an exciting time.

Down Under - Karen & Steven

It's been awhile since i last spoke or msg Karen. Oh no ... i better do it sometime this week. Time passes by so quickly. I better speak to her before she calls from Melbourne to tell me that she's given birth.

Happy for both Karen & Steven that it will be a baby boy. But still ... i can't believe that she's a mother of 2 ( or 3 this Aug). And everytime she calls, she'll ask me what's happening to me & telling me that life doesn't just surround work and church. Opps! OK .. i hear u.

Of course there are times where i wish i had my own kids already. This means that we would have fulfilled our promise of hanging out together with our kids, strolling or taking walks in the beautiful parks in Down Under while the guys enjoy a game of tennis together. Hmm ... when is that going to happen? I don't know? I miss Melbourne. My bro is going back there on 12 July for a holiday & visit his galfriend. Wish i could go as well.

Anyway, she is one person who can never tell me what her email address is all these years coz. she say she doesn't have the time to email. Whatmore MSN or Blog? I use to nag at her to try to email so that we can keep in touch or at least, we can email eachother photos. Who is on snail mail nowadays.

Well! She's excused coz. she'll tell me that she is always on the rush. Got to wake up early to send Kallista & Jolene to school, rush to work, and thereafter, rush to pick the kids up. And she'll tell me that we are spending too much time with all the emails. If there's anything, just call or sms. OK ... at least she's improving .. she don't email but she sms me. Good enough! Ha ha!

But still, somehow, i can't quite imagine any of my friends not on email. At least, that makes her special (in that sense). But of course, it's still good to snail-mail once awhile. I use to do that alot during my student days. And i still have one big box of letters and postcards which i receive from the few close friends while everyone was at different places. Me in SIN & karen in Australia. And after that, it was me in AUS, Fish in Toronto & Kaiyan in Manchester.

How Are U??

I received a msg from a friend on friday asking me how i was getting along and coping with work. After reading it, somehow, my hp battery died on me and i didn't get to reply her. Or was it more like i was glad it died on me coz. i wasn't sure how to reply her. It's a case of ... do u want to hear the truth or some general comments like "fine, great, busy, sian, stress etc".

And i know i still owe her a reply. So sorry! There's alot to tell u actually but i know if i were to see u face to face, esp. my mentor .... i am not sure if i am able to share with u on my thoughts & how i have been feeling & going through. It's like ... what's the point! I know you guys really care abt me & i appreciate that alot. Even though we don't talk alot now, it doesn't mean that we've lost the special bond which we have. I can only say, the occasional sms that i still receive especially in the afternoons really cheer me up. It's a gentle reminder that u guys are still behind me, supporting me & encouraging me.

It's been a tough & challenging 6 mths but also, a time of learning & added responsibilities. But of course, also a time where i learnt to seek God more in his directions in my life. So should i be thankful? Should not be a tough question actually but well ..... i jolly well know the model answer.

My Second Choir Session

It's my second choir session today. Strange as it may be, i just felt that something was not right the moment the session started. It's something which i felt quite strange & puzzling.

I wonder ... is it because:
1) i wasn't comfortable with the attire (coz. it's not 'me')
2) nervous (can't be)
3) afraid of falling off the platform (coz. i think i almost fell while jumping during the praise songs)
4) tired (coz. i slept @ 2am last nite)
5) not feeling well (coz. my legs are feeling 'weak' & 'tired' now)
6) spiritual attack (???)

During teaching time, i was feeling quite uneasy & my heart was pounding quite fast. Don't know why.

While coming home just now, suddenly, i had this thought (still trying to solve my own mystery) ... don't tell me that grandauntie will be gone soon coz. my family was mentioning abt it during family gathering last nite. Or perhaps MJ will not be going for water baptism after all. Well ... i may be letting my imagination run abit wild but what to do ... i always felt uneasy/ lack of peace / sensitive over such things which on afew occassions, came true shortly. (Touch Wood!)

But anyway, as usual ... it was a great time singing & praising God. Just received an encouraging sms from lynette that i looked great today on stage. Cool! Couldn't have done it without the 'boss' up there though:)

TGIF (Thank God It's Friday)

So glad that the weekends is here.

Just came back from choir rehersal & we also celebrated Lijun's birthday. She turned 25 today. I've always thought that she's abit older coz. she seems rather matured. So, that explains why i was surprised when she mentioned during 2 weeks back that JJ LIN and her were schoolmates.

Anyway, we had a great time affirming her & of course, the gals wasn't too successful at giving her a surprise celebration. Poor lijun had to kind of act 'surprise'. Mission failed. Ha ha!

Well, heard some not so good news this week.
1) Yvonne's dad is in hospital. Doctor detected severe pancreas inflamation & just had surgery last sat.

2) Afew days later, had a msg from Alvin that his dad had an accident in M'sia. Just had a 5hr surgery on wed.

3) Tricia's uncle passed away.

Well, somehow ...this year hasn't been a good year in this case. Week after week, i keep hearing not so good news. Strange!!!!

Anyway, there's some good news. Heard from Mabel last nite that MJ may be going for water baptism. And maybe she will go for membership class. Wow! That's really great. Plus Cecilia who's going for membership class too. At last .. my hard work & effort has not gone down the drain.

My Tiring Week

This has been a tiring week and i am finally glad that i can rest a little today. After church camp, i was actually looking forward to catching up with some sleep. Unfotunatedly, mom called me on tue while in the office informing me that my relative (grandpa's brother-in-law/ dad's uncle) passed away. He was 91yrs.

So there i was, back at Mandai Crematorium yesterday morning again. Yes, "Again" coz. i was just there barely 2 months back when granduncle passed away. In fact when i was at the wake on friday nite, Auntie Gay reminded me that 3 of our family members passed away this year. Three??? I forgot about my grandma in china (grandpa's first wife). I remembered when relatives from China called, the whole cg was actually at my place. Oh ... i remember, it was CNY period.

Anyway, Auntie Cindy gave a very touching speech at the service hall. It was filled with emotions but at the same time, she also shared abt how her dad came to accept Christ at his death-bed. God! I am so thankful for the goodness which you have shown in my "extended family". A total of 3 who came to know the Lord. Auntie Cindy's father, Uncle Henry & Auntie Wah.

She shared of how her dad exemplified alot of christian & biblical principles in his life which is shown through his massive contribution to the society, esp. in terms of education. Which clearly explains why it wasn't too difficult for him to truly accept the Lord Jesus Christ into his life during his last moments. I truly pray & hope that her sharing will bring upon reflection for the non-believers, esp. my parents & brother.

For every farewell, there is definedly alot of heartaches & tears. Esp. so when we were at the viewing hall. But knowing that 'uncle' is home with the Lord brings about much condolenses too. Everyone was crying soo badly, esp. Auntie Cindy & Jane. It certainly reminds me once again of my purpose in life, purpose of God bringing me back to Singapore and that is to bring my family to Christ.

Please God please .... i don't want to be put in the same situation again where i panick when my love ones is in their last stage and about to go anytime. Panick when they are unconscious, panick when i don't know how to share or pray in mandarin or hainanese. Panick that they did not accept the Lord Jesus Christ in their life. So just reveal to me on what i should do.

This morning during service, i asked God to help me in this aspect. But i heard this or did i ask myself: "You asked the Lord. But have u begged the Lord??" Hmmm .... maybe i did. Maybe i didn't.

Very interestingly, Cheryl Q told me that she dreamt of me just 2 days ago. In the dream, both of us seems to be in a journey ... driving to somewhere. She couldn't continue afer awhile coz. she seems to be having a spiritual attack and i prayed for her. Hmm ... wonder what does it mean??

Like what Alvin & Cheryl (Ng) always say, pray and ask the Lord for interpretation.

Oh ... during the wake on thursday nite, it was my very first term hearing from a hainanese pastor ... sharing in hainanese, praying in hainanese & wow .. singing amazing grace in hainanese. But of course, none of us could really follow.

Tuesday
HJ, our choir master was away in Germany and thus, while the teacher is away, the students are away too. Instead of the usual choir practice, the whole bunch of us including some WAM people like Gerald, Geoffrey etc. went for karaoke. It was really fun but too bad it wasn't friday although some of them stayed till mid-nite. I left at 11.3opm. Could have stayed till the end if it's not a working day the next day.

Kawan Go Melaka (Church Camp 2006)

I had a wonderful time during church camp and some how, i wish it was longer.

What did i enjoy? Besides the wonderful food which i had, i guess it was the people too. Had an enjoyable ride up to KL & Malacca with Galvin, Jeff, Cecilia and Auntie Fionna. The preparation of the group presentation which we won 3rd prize for Forest Gump skit & the unit gathering cum chill out session down at Jonker Street. Amazing! Our unit must be one of the most fortunate ones coz. we had 4 cars on thu and 5 on fri.

I guess what touches me over the church camp was also the time when Lisan & Cecilia told me that they truly appreciated the friendship that we had. I will never ever forget that when Lisan spoke, there were tears rolling down. My dear friend, you are truly appreciated too and i look forward to many more good years of sisterhood with u. Though we may have spent less time together as compared to the past (miss those good old days), u are truly treasured. It's been great seeing how much you have grown spiritually from the first day i got to know u on 24 Dec 1997 (wow ... can't believe that it's close to 9 years). Last nite, i was still thinking abt the vision which i saw abt u some years back.

What encourages me this time is also that my dear sheep really had a fruitful time during the camp too. Cecilia ... always remember what God told u. Have faith in him. Believe in him. You are doing well and i'm really proud of u :)

I guess God also reminded me during the camp that as long as i perserve, put my trust wholeheartedly and look up to him, i will be able to climb higher and do more for him. There may be times when i feel despair and do not know which directions or what best to do. Times when i feel afraid, times when i feel discouraged, times when i feel that i'm all alone. But continue to seek in him and he will show me the way.

Looking forward to serving and doing my best more for God. And truly, thank u Lord for holding my hand and being my best KAWAN. And well .... hopefully, i will be able to do backup singing by the next church camp. That will be most wonderful !

Pictures on church camp:
http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8QaNWrRu0cMJK

Videos on church camp:
- Affirmation from Sunny to David
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXB5-gY_FXY

- Forest Gump Skit By Group 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-MFibFZK6M

- Leaders Presentation
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eekEUueNBck

A Fruitful Sunday

Praise The Lord! Yesterday seems like the most fruitful sunday i ever had.

Before i went to bed on sat, i text-mail my dear sheep to ensure that she wakes up in time for Sunday service. So naturally, i was disappointed when i didn't see her around. So i messaged her, no reply. When i turned my back 5 mins later, there she was looking bright and cheery, and of course, pretty in pink. It will be really wonderful if she continue this way from now on. Yeah - Breakthrough! (If you want to walk on water, you got to get out of the boat). Keep it up gal. And of course, it's also encouraging to know that the Lord spoke to her during p & w last week.

Secondly, MJ/Stanley came for Sunday service. I was glad Mabel didn't tell me at the last min. that he can't come. I remembered a few weeks back, i felt this prompting that came out of nowhere and it sets me thinking ... Lord! While we are praying for him to be healed, but at the sme time, he will also need biblical understanding of faith, hope and love. He has mentioned before that if he could get out of the hospital, he will like to attend sunday service. Now that he is feeling better and is able to go out with his friends, watch movie etc, it will thus mean that he will be able to attend sun service right? So i just plucked up my courage and ask Mabel to invite him.

And the good thing was that service was pretty good (led by Ps Jeff), as well as p & w. Pastor Lawrence, together with the whole congregation also prayed for him which came as a surprise to me too. Mabel later told me that MJ feels touched and do not mind coming back again.

I am thankful for the support which i am getting from my fellow brothers & sisters, esp. Jan & Cheryl, Alvin & Cheryl Q, David & Lisan, Nic & Jo. It has not been easy for me. But knowing that these people are always behind me is what i am really thankful for. And of course, God for guiding me through too :)

It's Feasting Time

Date: 31 May 2006

Time: 8.00pm

Venue: Dover Crescent

(Alvin & Cheryl's lovely home aka our regular hangout place every wed - cg. Instead of regular cg, look what we had instead. Crabs cooked by Auntie Fionna plus many more food cooked or bought by cg members)

Function: Instead of the usual cg, we celebrated Chayanid's Birthday. It was also suppose to be a farewell treat for Jan and Cheryl (Ng) who is moving on to the family group. Unfortunatedly, Jan fell ill and thus, both of them couldn't come. But being the evercaring cg, i understand that we tabaoed the crabs for them. Nic brought it over to Jan & Cheryl's place that night.

Attended by: The Usual Gang headed by Lao Da (Alvin), Jimmy, Jeff, Nic, Vincent, Gal, Cheryl Q, Cecilia, Doris, Jo, Auntie Fionna, Doris, and myself. Not forgetting the birthday gal, Chayanid.

Friends who joined us: The 2 lovely Mabels ... Mabel Lee & Mabel Tan. David & Lisan

Absent: Alan, Jan & Cheryl (Ng)



Everyone stonning and resting for a moment. So full and contended after all the good food.













Today i am one year older, Today i am one year wiser