Blank ......

最近心里有很多感触， 但是我好象一个字在blog里面都写不出来。

也许是应为有太多烦恼了吧！

在我面前， 仿佛有很多东西或事情都要做出选择和决定。心里觉得很矛盾.压力也觉得有点大。

Never Say Never

It has been a long time since i met up with friends to chill out on a friday nite. Met up with two friends and we had a great nite out .. basically to chat and catch up with eachother's life.

I was happy to know that one of them just got attached. And it was even more interesting to know how she met her other half. It was through the introduction of a mutual friend of ours. Call it coincidence or god's plans but both attends the same church/parish since young but do not know eachother. Like what we always say ... for some things, it's just so near, but yet so far. And yet so far, but just so near.

And isn't it strange that for some things, the more you dislike it, the more you get it. This is so true at times. Yes, never say never. Now i am getting a little worried. But well, if it's God's plans and his will, then it shall be it.

Colours .. Not Black & White

It has been a NOT so good week for me.

Pressures, Questions, Wishes, Struggles, Frustrations, Unhappiness, Stresses ... it's part and parcle of life. Responsibilities, Pressures, Realities in life. The endless wishes, the endless wants, needs, well .. it's never ending!

Wish so much that GOD would just explain and tell me what to do in my dream tonite.

My cousin Joyce just emailed me something which cheered me up. It says ..
every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back

How true! I'll have to remind myself, hey .. always look at the positive side of things! GOD is in control!

What A Week

Prayer Request this week:

Pray for Meng Xiong (my family member) who just underwent brain surgery and is in ICU right now. Frankly speaking, i am really worried for him. Pray that God will heal him soon. But one good thing that came about it is that the christians in my family are united in hearts and prayers for him.

And just last saturday, praise the lord .. my cousin who's attending Living Praise Church bought a table for dinner evangelistic service. My cousin invited me, grandma, mom & dad, auntie tina etc to attended the session. It's so cool! They are non christians and under normal circumstances, this wouldn't have happened. And it was during the dinner function where i saw the very sporting part of mom. My cousins were really surprised. Well .. actually they shouldn't be surprised coz. most of my family members are very sporting people. But i think mom & dad is more sporting than me for sure.

I'm still hanging on to God's promise! One day .. someday ... you know what i mean.

And this week, i thought i should be feeling stress-free now that my event is just over. But i was wrong, absolutely wrong. On the contary, i felt stress .. and more stress. I guess that's because responsibilites @ work has grown, i have a new team with me, heading the whole department, my own expectations, live up or exceed others expectations on me etc etc etc.

Somehow, i kind of envy my colleague. She just delivered her second child on tue and is currently at home on maternity leave. Seriously, i think if there's an option, i would willingly swop my roles with her. OK .. not that it's stress free taking care of the baby. But well, it's a different kind of JOY! Hang on .. my time will come soon.

And this week, i actually sat down with mom to watch Lydia Sum's memorial service on the internet. We have been following the news rather closely. For the first time, i saw tears rolling down from mom's eyes as different people gave the eulogy. Her death has reminded me of many lessons in life. She's a good role model. I know that if grandpa was alive, he would have alot of good things to say alot about her. After all, grandpa used to be in the entertainment line.

Surprise! Surprise!

Because .........

1) It was the first time my brother attended church service today. Not once but twice. I didn't ask him. He was the one that asked me bring him. Can't believe it because all my previous attempts failed on me terribly.

After Hope service, we went straight to attend the 2.30pm service at New Creation Church. He surprised me today when i woke up. When i opened my door, he asked me about church and if i could take him to New Creation Church. One of his friends attend New Creation Church and she has invited him to service last week. He was curious. I am glad things went well today. He enjoyed the services although he did not understand everything. And i think his impression of church has certainly changed. He say that it's very happening! What can i say but i hope for the very best next week.

2) I am still receiving birthday presents and well-wishes
Thanks Penny!

3)Received a phone call from an old friend whom i have not been in touch for several years. He called to send me birthday greetings and also arrange to meet up.

A Year To Remember

2007 was quite a year. There were ups and downs, the good and bad, challenges, lessons of life and more. It was quite a tough year and i wondered how i pulled it through.

1) Feeling S-T-R-E-T-C-H-E-D
I think i must have been crazy for pushing myself so hard. In the early part of the year, i think i almost 'killed' myself for taking on 3 music courses at the same
time. I think i must be either feeling over ethusiastic or i must have felt that i had a 'deprived' childhood and wanted to make up for it. I wonder which it is. In the end, i couldn't cope and had to give up half half of it.

2)Stressed is desserts spelt backwards
Looking back, i wish i have reminded myself that Stressed is Desserts spelt backwards. Lijun was the one who told me this some time back. I remember she texted me this while i was on the way back home from choir practice. 2007 was one of the most stressful year for me, be it work or personal. The year started off with the most challenging and stressful project which i was handling. My mind was still thinking and working even while i was sleeping. There were so many nights that i turned off my lights only to quickly turn it on to write down the things which i need to do the next day or trying to figure out how to solve problems. It was crazy .. and scary! There were tears, fears, frustrations which i am glad i could release all to God. He helped me carry some of the load.

There were also things that came along the way that really tested my tolerance and limits. My tolerance for stress is usually high but there was this ultimate one where for the first time, i actually felt heart-ache and breathless. The one time experience will be the first and last. Karen has always said that we work too hard in Singapore. And life is too stressed. OK .. i'll see if i get the chance to join her and migrate to Australia some day.

Anyway, i am so thankful that God is always there to pull me through situations in his timely fashion and helped me deal with it. Lessons learnt. Try not to pile too much on myself, seek for assistance in areas which i need help rather than trying to be 'gung ho' and depend everything on myself and try to talk about the problems instead of keeping it to myself. I am not going to let myself 'die' of stress. It is so not worth it. There is still plenty of things which i want to do.

3) Frequent Traveller
I am really fortunate. Got the opportunity to travel to many countries (Hainan Island, Dalat, Ho Chi Minh, Osaka, Kyoto, Meleka, Hanoi, JB, Kota Tinggi, Kuala Lumpur, London, Holland & Germany).

I was travelling almost once a month. And yes, i finally had the chance to visit Vietnam and see the beautiful Halong Bay, Japan, UK & Europe. But i guess i was most thrilled about London and Europe. It's somewhere that i've always been wanting to go. I hope to get more opportunities this year.

4)New additions to the family
The little ones are such a joy. There's Junior and Huishan is just pregnant. Victor is also getting married in April. We are welcoming Alice into my family.

5) Positioning myself right before God
There is one area in my life which i have been struggling for the longest time. It pertains to obeying the Lord's commandments. I have tried many times to overcome it by my own strength but well, it failed. That was the only area which was an obstacle in me on loving God totally. About a year ago, the Lord spoke to me about loving God. Deut 6:5 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that i give you today are to be upon your hearts". Loving God is not difficult. But loving God totally. Wow .. that can be tough.

During the last weekend of the year, i am so glad and happy because i managed to overcome the obstacle and had a breakthrough (at last). There was total freedom and peace in my heart. How timely it is. I was at home listening to the web broadcast of City Harvest Church sunday service while preparing to go to church. The leaders challenged the congregation on how they should enter the new year. How we enter the new year is very important as it determines how we are going to end the year. We want to enter it not in despair, not in discouragement, not in doubt, but we want to enter the new year in faith. The pastor also challenged the congregation to position ourselves and be a faithful steward. We need to position ourselves corretly for the supernatural in our lives. And when i as in church, Pastor Ben also made the same challenge. It was amazing.

But i am really feeling very HAPPY about myself in this area. A brand new start for the year. But it was miraculous of the many unexpected blessings that have already come in. And it's not even a week into the new year.

6) A Year of Weddings & Good News
My good friend Fiona got married and i was her bridesmaid. It is such a joy to see her happily married and Johann dotes on her so much (friend .. if you are reading this, hope i'm correct. Ha ha! This is based on what i observed). Two of my cousins got married. Patrick from my dad side and JW from my mom's side. And not forgetting friends who tied the knot, such as Galvin & Cecilia, Meng Chong & Sarah, Benny & Peggy, Jenny, Jessie and probably some others which i can't remember off hand.

There's lot of additions in terms of babies in my life too. Some of my close friends gave birth this year, such as Cheryl Q, Jo, Lynette, Sharon and JW. And not forgetting moms-to-be, Lisan and Huishan.

Met up with my ex-shepherd Susan in KL, heard that my ex-CL and friend Mark was attached, Mabel L planning to get married etc.

6) Vist from Old Friends
My good friend Karen & Steve were back to Singapore from Melbourne for about 2 months. It was so nice to spend time with them, especially with the kids. It was also the first time that i saw baby Rylan.

7) Saying Goodbye
For every goodbye a hello awaits. I finally plucked up the courage to change cell-gp after spending a good many years together with all of them. In a way, we kind of 'grew up' together. For the majority of them,we have always been in the same group or unit. For some, i knew them even before they got married. And now, they are already proud parents. It was a very tough decision and i took time to pray about it before deciding to move to WAM group.

I miss my old friends but the new friends are awesome too. It's great serving alongside with this group of people. But most importantly, i knew it was the right decision at the right time. It's going to be an exciting journey this year.

So it's goodbye 2007, hello 2008!

1.1.2008

My birthday has just come and gone. This is the first year which i did not celebrate with any of the church friends. For the past years, it was always celebrated at the stroke of midnight on new year's eve with them. What made it special was that the group would celebrate Cecilia's birthday together with me as her birthday falls on the 31st Dec.

This year, my family celebrated it for me at the stroke of midnite during our annual family party bash. I also had lunch with my pre-u friends. Although it was nice to be with my family, somehow i wish i was with my friends.

But well, it was incredible. I received many smses, emails, msn throughout the day from all the people that means the world to me. Thanks so much. I won't mention names here coz. there are simply too many people but you know who u are. What can i say but i feel so blessed. What a way to start the year.

What's amazing too were the little surprises that came along the way. Received an unexpected gift from my new cousin-in-law which i thought was a really nice gesture. Well-wishes from my good friend Karen in Melbourne and not forgetting greetings from
ex-housemate Chris, all the way from Hong Kong too. I'm surprised that she remembered my birthday coz. we have not been in touch for several years.

In the words of my colleague & friend, Ginny .. yes indeed, not everyone gets to receive double wishes on the same day. I am indeed lucky. Thanks once again. U guys means alot to me. HAPPY NEW YEAR by the way and to many more good years together!

What A Friday

I had too much things on my mind today. I reached home only to realise that i left my wallet and mobile in the office. Just so unlucky! Had to make my way back to the office to get my stuff. No choice .. i need my wallet and mobile as i will be going to Malaysia tomm and will be on leave on monday.

Think i've too tired too as i've been sleeping really late this week. Hope this doesn't happen to me again.

Massage Needed

Just came back from work and my legs are tired after walking around 14,000sqm of hall space several times and the strain on my back is killing. I need a massage so badly.

Dreams and Feelings

I woke up this morning from a deep dream which had something to do with work and personal. I saw someone who means alot to me and who has been a pillar of strength. But the surprising thing was that when i saw the person whom i missed dearly, i turned around and walked away quickly. I was surprised by my action in the dream (even when i woke up). But i knew very clearly why i turned away.

This visual which i saw is certainly a reflection of what i kind of feel in my daily course of work and life. It has been a tremendously stressful time at work adjusting to the work styles, thinking and patterns of someone whom i report to. There have been many differences and it hasn''t been easy dealing with it.

I know deep within, i wish so badly that i didn't need to go through this. But the situation has made me more independent that before, given me challenges and opportunities for myself to stretch further.

Perhaps, the hurt is still there and never quite healed when my source of strength and dependence was taken away from me literally overnight. The sudden change of events without any warning had left me unprepared. I had no one to depend on except for myself and of course, couldn't have pulled through till today without God. Thank you for being there for me .. from the bottom of my heart.

Missing In Blogsphere

Have not been blogging these few days coz. it's been a tremendously busy week. Was also outstation to KL and just came back. Updates coming up soon!

Goodness Me!

I've just learnt my lesson. Never meddle with things which i am unfamiliar with when i am tired and it's late at nite. Last nite, i was suppose to email my blog template to a friend to help me make some minor changes. When i was looking at my blog setting, i noticed that it was not difficult and decided to do it myself. As i was doing it, i got a little carried away and made some other amendments. And the end result, i messed up the whole thing and the whole blog just went hay-wire.

I spend several hours in the wee hours trying to rectify it but just couldn't. I was sooo tired and was battling with my sleepiness. So last nite, had to send a SOS email to this particular friend for help. And thankfully, he managed to rectify it for me this evening. Thanks my dear friend! If not, i'll be wasting more time trying to figure out myself but i know i wouldn't be able to and end up being more frustrated.

Lesson learnt: Don't be a smart aleck.